unbeknown

i don’t know some things,

such as finding mystery angles

in cyclic quadrilaterals

or how cells split into twins.

guitar chords have long been locked

in the dusty shelves of my hippocampus

and i have yet to learn to concoct

meals in the way i revive a blank canvas.

but i do know how to listen

to the same song endlessly,

and how to mix the colors furiously until the canvas glistens.

i finally know how to bake,

and how to get on a bus,

yet i’ve never nursed a heartbreak

and doubt i’ll remember not to cuss.

i have no idea how to undo a panic attack,

or forget everyone I've lost.

i’m making a list of every moment i want to defrost.

i still want to know how to swim in memory, without singing of loss.