Twinkle, little star

twinkle arrived early in the morning, a tiny greyish cat dancing over the roofs of Berawa with a kitten hanging from her mouth. as my mother stood there, morning coffee in hand, she watched this unknown cat drop her litter of 4 onto our patio and waltz into our kitchen, meowing loudly. i was still sound asleep, lost in the depths of a faraway dream, when my mother excitedly shook me awake, whispering “there’s a cat outside, i’m going out to buy food for it!” i cannot express how little i cared at that moment; i had always been wary of cats, avoiding them to the best of my ability, and there were so many stray cats in Bali that i really did not see the point in waking up for this particular one. i had always been a very proud dog person.

but from that day on, twinkle stayed, occasionally jumping on top of the wall and disappearing to go on her little adventures, leaving us with her litter of screaming kittens. i was the one who chose her name; her big green eyes reminded me of the stars.

(twinkle and sunshine)

she never quite seemed to feel those motherly instincts, constantly pushing her hungry babies away, but she was a baby herself. we found out she had her kittens when she was just 6 months old. it was therefore not that surprising when only one survived; sunshine. she was however, not the biggest ray of sunshine, meowing all the time at the top of her little lungs, a high pitched, never ending noise that drilled into your brain. sunshine went on to live a very happy life with another family, and so remained a very content twinkle. 

in the beginning, i didn’t really pay much attention to her; she was something to be feared, with her tiny, sharp teeth and her razor claws. i was very wary whenever she came near. slowly but surely, after quite a few months, i started to venture closer, daring myself to stroke her, scratch her chin, rub her belly. it was strange; this little cat who had forced herself so suddenly into our lives was becoming part of our little family. you could sometimes hear her jumping over the neighbours’ roofs, yowling for food, and she’d thump onto the patio, pattering over to her bowls. she would roll around the ground, stretching, relishing belly rubs, then prowl around the house, exploring. there were many times when i was at school that she would curl up in my chair, keeping the seat warm for me. 

when we moved, we did wonder wether we should try moving twinkle to europe too. but it seemed best to keep her on her island; after all, she was a street cat, everyone said, she’ll find other people who will feed her and take her in. so we left, with heavy hearts and wondering what lay ahead of us. we asked our neighbours if they could please keep putting food out, and generally keep an eye on her, and they very kindly agreed. but when we came back a few months later, they said that she hadn’t stopped coming back, meowing pitifully and refusing to take any food. my mother started calling “twinkle! twinkle!” and almost instantaneously we heard that familiar voice calling right back. she seemed to fly through the air as she jumped into her mama’s arms, purring loudly, reunited once again. that’s when we learned that no matter where we were, twinkle would always wait for us, undeterred. she travelled to belgium, to spain; a once starving street cat making her way in the world. and it didn’t seem to make a difference how much time we left her, she was always, always waiting with a big meow. 

some of my favourite memories with twinkle are in couches, where she liked to snuggle up into me while i watched tv or took a nap. she had this tremendously loud purr, a deep, rumbling noise that took over her and her whole body. my mother always believed twinkle was a reincarnation; the way she stuck by us all these years, through thick and thin, it was almost unheard of for a cat. i would sometimes hold her when i was feeling sad or anxious, and sometimes she’d lick at my tears as the glided over my cheeks. in particular, she had this habit of lying on my chest and ever so gently she would pinch my skin with her claws. in the strangest way, it would calm me down and distract me. 

without twinkle, i think how much different it might have all been. how amazing it is to think that such a small creature could have created such a big impact on our lives, how much love she made us feel. granted, she was a selective cat, with her quirks and strange habits, but that made her love feel so much more special and unique. for 10 years, twinkle watched me grow up, lived with me through the different hair styles and the ever changing friends, and was there to share many of my firsts. if there is such a thing as reincarnation (and i believe there is), i know she will make her way back to us, like all those other times, demanding to have her breakfast and a cuddle. 

to my sweetest twinkle, we had no idea how lucky we were the day that you chose our doorstep. our lives would not have been the same without you, and it will definitely not be the same now. i’ll look for you always in between the stars.