origami tulips

i made origami tulips

for every year that the sun

revolves around us.

i folded and kept folding

the patterned pieces of paper

until my fingers were lightly stained

with tiny teal flowers,

until my cheeks were numb

from whispering blessed curses

into every petal.

i tried to make lillies, they seemed

so much prettier,

but the paper broke and morphed

into words i never meant for you

to hear.

i wanted to make leaves,

make them sound like waves breaking

on a pebble beach,

but they came out

too thick,

too wonky,

too big

for those hands i love so much.

i pray to a god i dont believe in,

unsure of how to hold my own hands,

hoping my tulips will be enough

to make the sun revolve around us

till the end of time.