cha cha and me

i’m told that my first time on a horse was in Spain, in a place called La Granja. i vaguely remember how increasingly frustrated i became after realising that i didn’t have the muscle strength to actually push myself into a trot, and how i bounced around in the saddle like a rag doll. my mother likes to remind me that they didn’t actually teach us anything, just plonked us in the saddle and left us to fend for ourselves. i sometimes cringe and imagine a tiny little tot with curls bouncing around. i think i remember conjuring up a master plan in order to sit a little more comfortably next time. i thought i would push myself up with my arms instead of my legs. ah, sweet, innocent Pepa thought she would surely have a little more power in her arms than legs.

i only learned to ride properly in Bali, with a helmet that was a little too big and blue sneakers. obviously i can’t remember every single second, but i do remember that i wasn’t wearing boots. the stirrups rubbed the tops of my feet raw, two perfect circles of raw flesh out in the open, that stung viciously when i waded into the sea later that evening. i rode some more, and then i was introduced to Cha Cha, a lively palomino pony, full of spirit. i knew in that moment we had a real connection, and with Cha Cha i learned how to truly respect horses. After many classes, grooming sessions and apple slices, Cha Cha soon became my favourite horse in the stables.

she became a true friend and comfort. then, my father passed away in September, and my mum and I flew out to Belgium. it was and still is a bit of blur for me, a smudge of grief and confusion. when we finally flew back to Bali, we were both exhausted and destroyed. life moved on of course, and i slowly started to get back into my daily routine. then, on the day I turned 9 years old, the clouds parted significantly. we went to the stables on our little scooter, enjoying the views of the rice paddies and sunset. Cha Cha was all tacked up and ready to go, and the grooms had styled her mane into cute little buns with rainbow rubber bands. before I could get on and gallop off, Petra, a good friend of ours, gave me a card and said Cha Cha had written it for me. i remember how everyone crowded around me eagerly as I read it out loud. here it is:

i was so confused, until i was handed this 'document'. i looked at my mum, still lost, and she said that Cha Cha was mine. officially mine. i don’t think I was ever as speechless in my life as i was in that moment. i was ecstatic, euphoric, over the moon. i had felt the connection with Cha Cha long before this day, but this really solidified it. this gift gave me a responsibility, a distraction and a sister. so, when my mother claims to have 3 daughters, she means me - Pepa - our cat - Twinkle - and my sister and soulmate - Cha Cha. Cha-Cha may only be a horse, but her being there for me in one of the hardest moments of my life made all the difference, and continues to till this day.